The Awkward Chronicles: Courtesy Flush From Hell


By Natalie G. From Brooklyn, NY.


"The Summer before my Junior year in college, I had started hanging out with this gorgeous guy I met at the gym. He was a true Ken doll--- perfectly shaped body, beautiful tanned skin, luscious dark curls, and amazing hazel eyes. We hit it off right away, but he made me feel so shy. He was older than I was and by his appearance I assumed all of his ex girlfriends were probably stunning models and actresses. By the way, I am not model like at all. I am short with stocky legs, and I have a mile long chin that I inherited from my grandfather. I guess he didn't seem to mind.

One night after dinner, he asked me to stay at his place for the night. I was extremely hesitant being that we have not been hanging out for long, but he convinced me it would be okay. We had a great time! It was my first time at his house and needless to say, his house was very manly. I could tell it haven't had a woman's touch in there for a while. That was a plus in my book. We watched Netflix all night, had a few cocktails, and laughed until we barely could keep our eyes open. Surprisingly, he did not take it past making out. I was not used to it. Once again, he made me feel extremely shy.

At around 3 am, I woke up because I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. Dammit, the detox pills. While I was swooning over Mr. Ken Doll next to me, I completely forgot that I started my detox pills earlier that day and boy was it kicking in. Well, good thing he was sound asleep. I slid out of the bed and tip-toed to the bathroom. Surprising, the bathroom was spotless and there was toilet tissues. I was so relieved. I could do my business in a clean environment, don't have to worry about tissue, and he would never know that I got down and dirty in his bathroom my first time over. I used my best judgment and decided to do a courtesy flush to eliminate the horrific fumes. I flushed and a few moments later I felt water underneath my butt. What the heck is going on! I jumped up saw all of the water, including my runny mess, rising and pouring out of the toilet. It would not stop. I started panicking and started searching for something to wipe it up with. Silly me... I grabbed a towel and some of my mess got on it. It smelled so bad!

In the midst of my panic, I did not realize how much noise I was making and he came in the bathroom. There he was standing at the door looking horrified as I'm standing there partially wet in a puddle of toilet water holding a poop stained towel. I could have died! It was the most awkward and embarrassing moment of my life. I stood there and cried like a baby and that jerk just stared at me in disgust and told me that I had to clean up the mess and go home. On top of that, he blamed me for breaking his toilet. I never seen him again after that night."

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