STORYTIME: "I Tried to Become A Sugar Baby In Asia..."
My One Night as a Sugar Baby...
Growing up in Asia, especially in a rather affluent family with connections and a mother who plays mahjong on a weekly basis with the First Wives, I’ve always eavesdropped on their gossips. From the usual who did what, to who did who and who almost killed who from who did who.
Anyway, as a pre-teen of the early 2000s, it’s become the norm to have gone to school with Uncle Chow’s second wife’s son or wonder how brothers can be of the same age yet are not fraternal twins. The First Wives always say that once a man has riches and power, one woman is never enough; look at our Chinese emperors and their harem of concubines.
But the word ‘mistress’. Now, that was taboo. They were always painted in a bad light by the First Wives. Evil, younger women who seduced their husbands and purposely got herself pregnant to trap a man so once she borne his brood, she’ll be financially secure for life.
Nowadays, we call that being a Sugar Baby.
Modern technology coupled with the desire for a mate (long or short term) and a whole lot of horniness, meeting people have become convenient. Back in the day, you go to a bar and get your game on. Today, we swipe right.
However, through Tinder and other dating apps like OKCupid, I’ve become bored of the same ol’ “So, what do you do?” I just copy and paste from the previous conversations and after a couple of failed dates and spending way too much on cocktails, I decided I wanted more.
Believe it or not, the First Wives’ gambling sessions were still routine like clockwork after all these years and one afternoon, I heard them mention Sugar Baby. Ooooo…. How do these geriatrics know of this phrase?
I paid more attention.
Apparently, according to First Wife Lee, her husband now has a 25-year old Sugar Baby whom he met online and not only is she pissed off, the mistress is equally if not even more fuming in anger as someone else has replaced her.
I couldn’t care less of the drama but online??? How does a 55-year old who pushes his glasses down and reads from peering over them and makes awful Dad jokes at every barbecue manages to score himself a Sugar Baby ONLINE?
I must investigate further.
So I asked Siri.
She couldn’t find anything on the web for ‘Sugar baby dating’ or ‘Sugar daddy dating’.
I seek heed from the great Google.
And I came across hoards of Sugar Daddy Dating websites and most of them look as though I could possibly win USD1,000,000 from a Nigerian Prince if I sign up.
I decided one must use her best judgment in choosing where to meet my very own Sugar Daddy.
It was between TheSugarBook and Seeking Arrangement so I delved further into my research and uncovered the CEO of Seeking Arrangement whom look like the sleazy kind of guy who would actually be on such platform.
Ugh, TheSugarBook it is then.
I registered and set up my profile. Thought I’d choose a neutral and inconspicuous moniker such as Bianca (nah, I lied. I always felt that Bianca is such a stripper name) and only showed the lower part of my face and cleavage, of course.
Who I am: A naughty Daddy’s girl who likes to be spanked and then be given an allowance to buy more Louboutins and drink Moet.
Sounds really frivolous because in real life, I am a teetotal double degree holder whose body is made for pleasure, not pain but I do like my Louboutins.
Hmmm… I thought I would be getting loads of messages within seconds.
I wandered off and went on Amazon and started browsing at Leica cameras.
About an hour later, I scrolled back to my Sugar Baby page and not bad… I had 3 messages.
Sugar Daddy 1: “Hey you, dirty girl. You want me to fuck you with your high heels?”
Whoaaa… perve alert. Dropping this convo, pronto.
Sugar Daddy 2: “How you? I from Japan. Want eat?”
Alright, I replied, “Konnichiwa! Would love to eat. Want to take me out to dinner?”
Sugar Daddy 2: “I eat dinner now”
“That’s alright. We can have dinner tomorrow if you like. There’s a new Michelin opened in St Regis.”
Sugar Daddy 2: “Dinner eat now”
Oh fuck it.
Sugar Daddy 3: “Hello love, are you really a naughty girl?”
Now, this I can work with. “Yes, I am, Daddy. You want to punish me for being a naughty, naughty girl?”
Sugar Daddy 3: “What have you done to be such a terrible girl?”
“I stole ice cream… from the shops. And I licked it all up in one go.”
Sugar Daddy 3: “So tell me how did you like the ice cream?”
“It was chocolate flavor on a waffle cone. I licked the top and put the whole thing in my mouth. Then I crunched down on the cookie, and just finished it all up.”
Sugar Daddy 3: “Did you get it all over you?”
“I did. It trickled down my forearms and I had to lick that up. Made me all sticky and wet.”
Sugar Daddy 3: “Just how I like them. Now, tell me what did it taste like?”
“It was Belgian milk chocolate. Creamy, soft and melted really fast.”
Sugar Daddy 3: “You just made my day, love 😊 Now, how can I make yours? Tell Daddy.”
What should I say now… A holiday in the Maldives? Too much. Cash? I couldn’t possibly. Oh wait!
I sent him the link to the Leica M10 which was around USD 6,850.00 and he asked for my mailing address. I hesitated for all of 30 seconds before giving him my work address (there are over 100 people working in that building and what are the odds of him actually gifting me such an expensive present within minutes of chatting online).
Sugar Daddy 3: “You should receive it within 5 days. I’ve selected the Express International Delivery. And I will be in your side of the woods in a week. Let’s have dinner and put that Leica to good use.”
I told him, “Sure thing, Daddykins”.
Pfffftttt… men are such liars.
But you know what, bloody hell?
The damn Leica M10 actually arrived, in 4 days! With a note stating, ‘Dinner on Saturday, 8pm at St Regis. Meet you at the lobby.’
Well, my momma may have a gambling addiction but she sure did not raise an ungrateful, lily-livered young adult woman.
Come Saturday night, I slipped myself into my failproof Agent Provocateur with the extra lift for maximum effect, a tight little black dress and my 4-inch Manolos. Popped my Leica into my Balenciaga and called Uber.
All I have to say from that night is chocolate is indeed a mouthwatering, delicious flavor.
I never went back to the Sugar life.
Like Seinfeld, I wanted to leave on a high. And I sure as hell, did.
Submitted by Ana Z.*
*Names in this story were changed.