Your Vulva Called. She’d Like A Little More Eye Contact
Why mirror-gazing opens you up in a way you may have never imagined.
Let’s be real: when was the last time you actually looked at your vulva? Not just during a shave or wax. Not just a quick glance in the shower. I mean really looked! I’m talking about lights on and a mirror reflecting back to you every curve, fold and colors that make your vulva uniquely yours.
For many, especially for my Black and brown people and those in the LGBTQIA+ community, the answer might be never.
Looking at your vulva isn’t about vanity or eroticism, though both are welcome. It’s about connection, awareness and appreciation. It’s not weird. It’s not extra. It’s the kind of radical care we should have been taught.
Here’s four reasons why this simple, intentional act is worth your time.
1. Because society taught us to look away
From a young age, many people, especially those socialized as girls, are taught to see their vulvas as shameful and inappropriate. Take a second to reflect on your grade school sex ed experience. How often can you recall vulvas being named? How about being pictured in textbooks? Don’t get me started on the nicknames, if ever mentioned, referred them to. Cooty Cat, Hoo-ha, My personal favorite: “down there”
Cultural silence around the body can run deep. Add in layers of religious shame, gender expectations and generational trauma, and it’s no wonder so many of us are disconnected from our own anatomy.
Looking in the mirror is one way to reclaim that connection. It’s saying: This is my body. I see it. I respect it. I am not ashamed.
2. You can’t love what you don’t know
No vulva looks the same nor is there a “standard” look. Vulvas come in all shapes, shades and sizes. Some are soft and full. Others are small and tucked. Some are pink, some brown, some with purplish hues.
Learning about your anatomy shouldn’t end with gyno visits and check-ups. Stay curious. Know where your clitoris is, how your labia are shaped and what your skin normally looks like. We’re taught that this knowledge can help you spot changes or issues that might need medical attention. But more than that, it helps you build a relationship with your body that’s rooted in truth, not fear.
3. It builds sexual confidence and stronger boundaries
When you really know what you got going on down there, you start showing up different. You get bolder in the bedroom, clearer about your “yes” and “nah” and way more confident asking for what you need (and deserve.)
Getting to know your body like this? It cuts through all those tired, fake beauty rules that make us feel like we’re not enough. Your vulva does not need to be perfectly smooth, even and porn star polished. THAT is propaganda we aren’t falling for. Not in 2025. Not EVER, actually!
4. It’s healing. It’s radical. It’s yours.
In a world that profits from your insecurity, choosing to know and appreciate your body is the sweetest form of resistance and dare I say, rebellion. For Black, brown and queer folks especially, it can be a way to rewrite a story that never made space for us.
When you look at your vulva, you’re not just seeing anatomy. You’re seeing identity, legacy and power. You’re reclaiming what was once hidden.
Let’s make it simple. Here’s how to get started:
Grab a hand mirror
Find a quiet, private space
Sit or lie down in a comfortable position
Look with intention, not judgment
Say something kind!
You don’t have to fall in love with your vulva overnight. But you do owe it your attention, care and eventually, your appreciation.